It then opens up a flood gate of FML thoughts, things I forgot to do, people I didn't call back, places I needed to run to, laundry I didn't put away, the list is long...lets just stop there.
These are not rare feelings for a woman, a mother, either staying at home, working part time or full time. Whatever the situation is. I realize we all feel like this. Often friends overly voice this frustration on Facebook, or brag on their accomplishments of the day.
But for me, these are rare feelings for me to share. I'm never going to be the one complaining on social media or acting flustered when I show up, or look rushed or discombobulated at all. But it's something I struggle with like everyone else. People often say to me in admiration, I don't know how you do it all! You always look so put together and your house is always clean and you're so organized.
I would think to myself, how do I do it? I don't sleep and i'm killing myself everyday to keep things "perfect"
I never sat down. Never relaxed, rarely slept, and I was crabby. Often.
So after some soul searching and really simplifying my life. Choosing who and what was in it. And freeing up (compared to what it used to be) my holiday season so I could enjoy it with my family. I was excited to have time to get everything "perfect" It wouldn't be so stressful now that I had more time to organize and clean more and so forth. Wrong. It still was and I wasted my time, energy, and talents sweeping the kitchen floor 100 times in a day or insisting the Christmas tree was just perfect or whatever task I was doing with whomever. It had to be perfect.
Why? Why does everything have to be perfect? More importantly why do I have to be perfect? I don't. I'm not. Nobody is. If they pretend to be they are lying.
I have been on this quest for peace and the ability to "Let it go" (yes I totally just sang that out just fyi) for awhile now. To not only be able to walk away from a dish in the sink, or the unfinished to do list at work, or just throwing on a hat and walking out the door with (gasp) no lipstick on. I mean who cares!? But as I have been getting better about doing these actions. The guilt is still there and i'm working on that. I had an AAAHHH HAAA moment the other day while texting a friend and fellow mother of a buttload of kids. She asked how my week was, and I said "great besides I can't seam to keep this house clean with these crazy kids, husband gone a lot this week, and me trying to work and still go to family and friends events. I can't seam to keep everything perfect."
She laughed out load (so she said) : ) And said Perfect is not possible but good enough works for me.
Profound wisdom from a laid back cool chick. I used to be cool. When did my quest for perfection make me so well, uncool.
It's a process, and I have come along way. But I definitely learning to not only say, but truly mean, I am not perfect! And I'm ok with that. Because I'm pretty awesome. And that is better than being perfect.